Song of the Week - Landslide

So I do realize it's slightly in poor taste to take a GREAT song, (and I thoroughly mean that) and post a cover version, especially when it's not even close to being better than the original. But - to be fair, this is the version I heard first, and so it's the one closest to my heart. Oh, there's Val being cheesy again. If you haven't come to expect that, it's your own dang fault. So yes, I am posting a song that takes me straight back to my senior year of high school, which was 8 years ago for those who think I'm 20 years old. I know there are plenty of you out there >:-)

I was then, and still am to some degree, afraid of change. I think I was really terrified by the fact that I built my life around one very large concept, and perhaps if my feelings toward that giant aspect of my life changed, what would I be left with? I think this is a fear I struggled with even earlier than I was aware of it. Certainly longer than I knew how to verbalize it. That I do know. 

In short, over the years, I've learned that to build your life solely around one purpose or person can easily lead to disappointment.  Permanence is not something many get to enjoy. It's not something that I strive for anymore. I seem to change my mind regularly enough, so I suppose it's part of the natural course of life. I have gone through a few changes this past year, and let's be honest, I think they've at times scared the crap out of me. On the horizon - getting married, working as a court reporter, learning how to plan financially for the future and not just the moment, deciding what the next 5 yrs are gonna be all about. I think I'm scared of the day I finally pass the RPR and have to go out into that big, scary world with a badge that says "I can write 225 wpm, no worries bro, I got this!" There are a lot of those things I will be "taking to the next step" pretty shortly. They're a bit scary, but ultimately they're the start of a new path. The beginning of something good!

So in short, what I've been trying to work on lately is not being afraid of the future. Being adaptable. Embracing the changing seasons (yay summer is over!!!!!). Looking for an additional point of view. Not being afraid to admit when I'm wrong. Realizing that people DO change, and often. Accepting the fact that promises made are not always kept. Trying to avoid always assuming the worst. Being okay with the concept that every person chooses their own happiness, and it often doesn't reflect my own. Those kinds of things. Yeah, the hard stuff. 

Wish me luck.

Landslide

Dixie Chicks Cover

(Original - Fleetwood Mac)

_________________________________

 

Took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes bolder, children get older
I'm getting older too, well

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes bolder, children get older
I'm getting older too, well, I'm getting older too

So take this love and take it down
Yeah, and if you climb a mountain and you turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide brought it down

And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe, well maybe, well maybe
The landslide will bring you down

Love Dogs, Not Cars - My Story

Some of you may have heard some chatter about the Downtown Dog Park petition going on these past few weeks. Sean Sweat, the organizer and lifeblood of this great cause, has asked us to write letters. It's a simple "action item" that we often blow off. So I decided to write a letter to the councilmen & women who will be hearing from us about this proposed dog park on Nov. 4th. Who knows if it will do anything at all, it just felt good to write it:

"I suppose it’s time for me to toss my hat into the ring.  My friend Sean Sweat has given many logical and well-thought out arguments for bringing a dog park to downtown Phoenix.  His mind gravitates toward numbers, construction plans, graphs, large-scale impact, etc.  I understand all of that, but in the end I write what I know, and I suppose it starts at a personal level.

This coming December I will have lived in Arizona for three years, minus the summer of 2009 when I spent 5 months living in Portland, Oregon.  My fiancé had a job assignment and I had an internship at a law office for the summer.  A lot of our friends in Arizona had dogs, but we were never inspired or ready to take action to find one of our own.  When we got to Portland, we were blown away by the enthusiasm of animal lovers.  Dan’s work paid for us to live in an upscale 16-story condo tower that summer.  We assumed dogs wouldn’t be allowed in such a nice space, so we asked the doorman if it was a dog-friendly building.  He replied, “The weird tenants are the people who DON’T have dogs. Gotta watch out for those people!”  The streets were vibrant and full of interesting people with every breed of dog under the sun.  We saw people eating dinner with their pups on the multitude of restaurant patios, playing fetch in the green spaces throughout the downtown area, visiting the farmer’s markets (of course buying the pups treats!) and lingering a while to meet new friends along the way.  We found a little beagle puppy just two weeks later.  She changed my world forever.  We spent an amazing summer in Portland that I’ll never forget.  We took her everywhere, met people we otherwise would never have met, and explored the outdoors with Clover the beagle, our guide to all that is good.

I returned to Arizona in September.  I remember getting on the internet, searching for places I would take Clover to hang out in the desert.  I was instantly bummed by the lack of public spaces where dogs are allowed to hang out.  I work in the heart of downtown Phoenix and didn’t see the streets filled with vibrant people and their dogs.  I just dreamed of the day I’d be back in Portland.  We live at Papago Park in Tempe where there is a large dog run adjacent to our condo.  So I started walking over there every night after work to let Clover get that puppy energy out.  I began making friends with the people I’d see on a regular basis.  This was the first time in 2 years I had talked to anyone in my neighborhood.  Not only would I enjoy seeing these people at the dog park, but they became my friends too.  Now I’m surrounded by a community of people who bring their personal interests and enthusiasm to my life.  Some are baristas, others are techies, real estate agents, professional fighters, engineers or social workers – but at the end of the day, we all really love our dogs.  When we go out of town, all we have to do is drop the pup off at one of the neighbor’s condos, and they do the same.  They’ll be guests at my wedding and friends for life.  All of this came about because we had a shared community space.

I have thought many times about moving back to Portland because of the wonderful life experiences I know I could have in that city.  However, I want to believe similar life experiences are possible to have in Phoenix too.  My fiancé and I may be ready to graduate from Tempe and move downtown in the next year or two, and the only thing holding us back from making the leap is a green space for dogs.  Don’t deprive this community of what it needs.  The city of Phoenix has potential for young professionals in my age group.  Make it an attractive city worthy of people’s consideration!  We can be outside 365 days a year in Phoenix, and we gravitate toward green spaces to enjoy that beautiful sunshine.  So my question is – why NOT a dog park?  Why not create a neighborhood spot where people can mingle and dogs can run with their ears to the wind?  


Seems like a great endeavor to me. 

Then again, I’m just one girl with a ridiculously adorable beagle.  I’m scared to ask, though - if I move, and friends like me move, who will be the future of downtown Phoenix?"

Song of the Week - Sleeping Lessons

Sleeping Lessons

So I guess it's time to get John Mayer's sultry crooning off the blog, or Annie may give up on me all together. Time for one of my favorites. The Shins are nice chill music, portland music as Dan would call it. This song is my favorite of theirs - just seems to strike me with some significance - as well as deliver a heavy dose of energy and positive-thinking.

I think I'm closer now than I ever have been to understanding the path I'm on, where it leads, and all the never-ending pitstops that bring so much complexity and growth to the whole experience. I've forgotten the person I had to pretend to be to hide from who I was. I guess there's just one person now. And I'm really trying hard to make that one life worth it.

 

The Shins

"Sleeping Lessons"
Wincing the Night Away - 2007

_________________________________

Go without,
Till the need seeps in
You low animal,
Collect your novel petals for the stem.

And glow.
Glow.
Melt and flow.
Eviscerate your fragile frame.
And spill it out on ragged floor.
A thousand different versions of yourself.

And if the old guards still offend,
They got nothing left on which you depend.
So enlist every ounce
Of your bright blood.
And off with their heads.

Jump from the hook.
You're not obliged to swallow anything you despise.
See, those unrepenting buzzards want your life,
And they got no right.
As sure as you have eyes,
They got no right.

Just put yourself in my new shoes.
And see that I do all I do.
Because the old guard still offends.
(Their pudgy hearts and slimy hands)
They got nothing left on which we depend.
So enlist every ounce
Of your bright blood.
And off with their heads.

Jump from the hook.
You're not obliged to swallow anything you despise,
That you despise.

South of the Border Mac-N-Cheese

All the right stuff

So... it's no surprise that around Papago Palace, MAC is the word. I started making homemade Mac for Dan when we moved in together, oh domesticity. He loved it. He loves anything I make, like a good bf. But it was always a little boring and I thought I could do better. I was inspired after a dinner at TMI (the main ingredient) in downtown phx. They serve green chili mac, which is pretty good, a little on the boring side. A little research on the internet led me to a great base recipe, to which I pumped some southwest bounty into. It's become a favorite with the neighbors & friends, so looks like it's here to stay. I got the base recipe from Bobby Flay, and he gave some suggestions for making it either spicy (below) or savory (roasted garlic and white truffle oil - which I have yet to try).

1 lb. elbow macaroni

Salt

4 tbls unsalted butter

4 tbls all-purpose flour

2 cups hot whole milk

3 garlic cloves, minced

1 tsp ground white pepper

1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

1 c. grated HOT pepper jack cheese

1 c. grated HOT cheddar jack cheese (or sharp cheddar) I had never heard of hot cheddar pepper jack cheese, but sunflower market sells it

3/4 c. fontina cheese

1 can diced green chilis

1/4 c. finely chopped cilantro - more for garnish

1 anaheim pepper (finely chopped)

1 small jalapeno pepper (finely chopped) WEAR GLOVES and don't touch your eyes!

1/2 c. grated parmesean cheese

1/3 c. southwest bread crumbs

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. 

Bring 6 quarts of water to a boil Add the salt & reboil before adding pasta. Cook the pasta according to the package directions; about 8-10 mins.

While the pasta is cooking, heat the butter over medium heat in a saucepan until it begins to bubble, but do not let it brown. Whisk in the flour to create a roux for the white-sauce base. Cook the flour and butter over low heat for 5-7 mins, then add the hot milk in a steady stream. Add minced garlic, cook the white sauce for 10 mins. Add the salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, green chilis, jalapeno, anaheim, cilantro, pepper jack and fontina cheeses and cook over medium-low heat until it is all melted down and ready to be poured over pasta, 10 mins or so.

While the cheese is melting down, place several slices of good quality bread in the oven or toaster. Toast until dark and place in the food processor. I usually do a herbal dill bread I have, and sprinkle in taco seasoning and a little cracked salt and pepper. Process into bread crumbs. Drain the pasta and place into a baking casserole dish large enough to hold the pasta and all of the sauce. Add the cheese sauce by pouring over the top. Sprinkle bread crumbs over all the pasta, grate fresh parm on top and bake for 15-20 minutes, or until the top is well-browned and crusty. Garnish with cilantro on top.

The picture below is sans-cilantro because our neighbor Chris is a complete wuss and can't eat the stuff. If you're not a baby and you want some serious flavor, add the cilantro.

Have a glass of milk ready - this stuff has a kick

And there you have it. A completely kick-ass meal that will make your friends praise your name, and put a few inches around your waist. Win-win! :) Er....

Heart of Life

So it might be a crime to post two John Mayer songs in one summer, but I'm gonna break the rules because it's my blog and I do what I want >:)


So it's now August 13th. Tomorrow is my first real attempt at the RPR. I took it in May before I was qualified to get a feel for what the process was like. I passed the written portion, missed the jury charge by 3 points and slaughtered the rest. Since taking the test in May I got a really good idea of what I needed to work on for the next attempt. They are giving a bonus exam this year for the first time - usually they only offer the skills exam twice, but now I get another chance, which I'm really grateful for. I definitely stepped up my game this summer. I completed my Lit and Jury Charge test requirements in school, almost completed my internship hours, and came very close to passing out of my 225s. 

Somehow, though, I look back and think I've wasted all my time and I should be performing much better than I am. I've come to see in these past few weeks how I can be my own worst enemy at times. I have to reflect on the positive accomplishments I've made - there is no other way I am going to succeed. We were talking in RPR prep last night about the fact that there are not many careers out there that hinge on one performance being the deciding factor of whether or not you get to work. People can study from a book 14 hours a day and regurgitate what they learned, but with court reporting, you have to be even faster than what they're asking because your nerves will almost always shave off at least 20% of your speed during the test. It's all a mental game at this point - and I feel like the demons in my head are winning. I've barely been sleeping for weeks. My stomach lurches whenever I hear the word "test" or even look at my machine. I've become very weak in spirit and feel nearly defeated. I don't know how I got to this place but I am praying tonight that my fingers will be nimble, my mind will be sharp, and my heart will be still. This is something I want very bad. But tomorrow afternoon when I hand in my transcripts, I want to be able to look in the mirror and still be okay with Val - the person I am outside of court reporting - regardless of whether a pass or fail comes in the mail 8 weeks later. I have to believe that the heart of life is good - that good things come to people who love with all their heart. There are too many signs pointing toward that "good" in my life for me to ignore them. 

This song is a simple little diddy, but it makes me cry almost every time I hear it. It's just a little reminder that when you're feeling low and burnt out, there will be someone there to wrap you up in their arms. Sometimes you even have to be that person for yourself. I posted this picture of Clover because she's always that source of love for me. Life wouldn't be as rich and enjoyable without her. Life never seems to go in the order we want it to - and that's probably something to applaud. If everything happened in the order I thought it should, chaos would probably ensue. I'm open to seeing what timeline is in store for me. I can't force it, it has to come when it's natural and ready to flow. So that's what I'm doing in this moment - letting all the fears take flight. I'll sit down tomorrow in that chair and hang on to every word in those 15 minutes, see if I've got it in me.

"The Heart Of Life"

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good